Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Cardigans, guilt, tears, and germs

It’s all happening around these parts, my friends.
I had yesterday off work AGAIN. Work is not a healthy place right now, and I had/have big concerns about being in that environment while carrying Pebble around inside me. I spent half the day talking to Drs, Obstetricians, government hotlines, my principal, my mum….. but all in all they all say the same thing. “It’s up to you”. So, yeah, I could hole myself up in my house until this  health scare disappears – but when will that be? And what if Mr RG brings home the same bugs anyway? So I’m back at work today, with all the boogie, snot, un-contained coughs and other feral things.
Regarding cardigans, guilt and tears, I bring you this.
A very cute cardigan, made specially for Pebble by a lady at my work. The same lady who on Tuesday night was trying to help me figure out what to do regarding my health concerns, and helpfully told me about her experience with losing a baby at 17 weeks gestation. It went like this.
Her: How many weeks are you?
Me: 17 weeks
Her: Oh, you really need to be very vigilant. I lost a baby at 17 weeks.
Me: Oh.
Her: I don’t mean to scare you, but *insert long painful story*
I am very sorry that this woman lost her baby. And I forgive her well intentioned (?) warning. But I was not a happy camper that night. I was shopping for tea about 20mins later, and the supermarket is no longer stocking decaf (bear with me here, I’m going somewhere with this).
I very nearly lost my shit right there in the supermarket. The tears start welling up, I get all hot and flustered, and I am in dire need of a hug.
Later when Mr RG gets home I hug him fiercely and have a good snotty cry on his chest for the fear that I have for our bub. Even later, while sleeping, I have a horrible dream about our baby, who we are failing dismally to care for. We went out for a walk (in the dream) without the baby. We forgot about it! Not only that, but we had left a fan heater right on the bed with it while it was sleeping, and when we got back it was like a hot potato. Then I couldn’t figure out how to make the bottle work, and this limp baby was propped on these pillows just looking at me. It was horrible.
Anyways. I got to work yesterday, attending some meetings that needed attending, and the lady who prompted my worry gave me that cardigan as a gift, and to apologise for her words the day before. She said she had been halfway through making it, and was going to give it to me closer to my due date, but she went home that night and finished it off because she felt so bad.
Cute cardigan.

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