Ride the wave, baby

Yet more TMI peeps, be warned.
Wow, this has been a shiteous journey so far! Thursday night brought pain, blood and tears, followed in the morning by pain, blood, clots and many more tears. Tears on the loo, tears in the shower, tears while attempting to brush my hair. I finally gave in and decided to abandon the day at work, and get myself to a doctor. Things certainly did not feel good. I was positive that I had lost this babe. I would describe what I was feeling and experiencing as like a period. Cramps and bleeding. The doctor described a miscarriage in these exact terms. Therefore, I was having a miscarriage. I grieved for the loss of the pregnancy, and spent the morning on the couch attempting to watch a movie to distract myself before going to the doctors. Here’s a hint: don’t watch movies that have any possibility of ending in a dramatic and joyful birth scene when you believe you have had a miscarriage. Just a heads up.
Paul and I went to the doctors, explained the situation. Doctor agreed that the signs were not very good, and went through the ‘don’t blame yourself’ speech. Doc did an exam and said that all was not necessarily lost. My cervix, apparently, is closed. This is allegedly a good sign if one is trying to maintain pregnancy. Ok. Now what? I had a blood test, and had to wait 7 hours before the lovely doctor called me at home to let me know that the signs continue to be positive. My hormone levels, which should be around the 30,000 mark, are at 32,000. Ok. Now what?
Doc explains that while this is good news, we don’t know if perhaps the day before my levels were 40,000 and have dropped. We also still don’t know if it’s a blighted ovum or an actual foetus.
So here I am in limbo land again. I spent Saturday attempting to get school work done, but retired to the couch again before lunch with a headache and nausea (good I guess?).
The scan, which will reveal all, is scheduled for this Friday, 29 May (moved forward a week from 5 June).
This is freaking exhausting!
I hope all is well in the land of everyone else, and that you’re having a lovely weekend.