Friday, October 2, 2009

I am terrified

Two days ago I held my gorgeous 10 day old nephew as he slept in my arms and it was blissful. As I held him I heard about recent struggles with feeding and sleeping, and I stared at this tiny, helpless, little body and thought – how the hell am I going to do it?
I have been reading, and listening to podcasts, and reading some more, and talking to friends, colleagues, strangers with kids about this motherhood gig. I was feeling pretty ok about it all. My strategy is just to roll with it, do what works for us, because there’s no right or wrong answer. Do what you need to do to keep your baby safe, secure, happy and your family intact.
This is all fine and dandy in theory. THEORY, people. The reality – the reality was staring me in the face the other day. A real, live, baby. I started to think about how I am notoriously bad at coping without sleep, and how I find it difficult to think in my right mind and become very unreasonable when I’ve missed sleep. How am I going to keep my head and make good decisions about how to handle things when I’ve had night after night of no sleep?
Viewing videos like this weeks Momversation, and reading blog posts like The Neverending Scream do two things – one, reassure me that whatever I need to go through, someone has gone through it before and survived, and two, freak me OUT!

Like I said, I believe in doing whatever you need to do to get through and keep you, your baby and your family safe, secure and happy. However, upfront, without having experienced any real-life up-all-night baby-drama,  I don’t believe in controlled crying (for these reasons). I take my hat off to those who have gotten through those hellish weeks, months and YEARS of no sleep and constant crying however they could.


  1. It is terrifying to think you're the one responsible for this tiny little baby!!!! Will I break its fingers when I put on an outfit??

    And then... Am I really doing the right thing HAVING a baby? LOL.

    We started to watch Look Who's Talking for the first time since being parents (and infact, probably the first time in 15 years!!) and James (John Travolta) says "It's weird, isn't it? You spend the first nine months trying to get out and the rest of your life trying to get back in."

    So don't think you're the only one terrified!!!

  2. How the heck do I gmail you?!?!?

    Nice post here :

  3. Oh hon, it's about the most terrifying thing you can do and from now on I can tell you that the "worry" will stay with you. There are so many things that come up that you never even think about but as you already have a fab attitude to it all in your belief that you'll do what's right for you as a family. A very good friend told me that the terror/anxiety is a sign that we want to do the best job possible of this parenthood caper so take solace in that.

    Every baby is so different. We still have hours of screaming at night after a year although it's intermittent...whereas some bubba's I know slept from 7pm til 7am from 3 days old.

    You have family to ask advice from when you want to and a blog community to support you and you will do a ROCKIN' job!

  4. Motherhood is a tough gig and you'll lose your shit, no doubt about that. Having said that, be gentle with yourself. Take it one day at a time especially the first few weeks. Accept offers of help from your friends and relatives so you can get some sleep. Sleep deprivation is brutal. But amazingly enough, our bodies adjust.

    Good luck!


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